7 June 2017

For all you courtroom watching types out there, today was an embarrassment of riches. You had your choice of the Senate Intelligence Committee hearings on the "Russia Thing," as certain parties are calling it, or the newest episode of the Cosby trial, wherein Theo learns a very special lesson about not drugging and sexually assaulting women. These are two very different inquiries, although they are both examples of people in positions of authority abusing their power, an activity which is fast replacing baseball as our national pastime.

6 June 2017

Because the Middle East just hasn't been destabilized enough, a bunch of Arab states decided to cut diplomatic ties with and form a blockade against Qatar (which a little google bird told me can be pronounced either "kuh-TAR" or "cutter," although the latter is much more in vogue these days. The more you know!), who are more politically allied with Iran then the Saudi contingent. Apparently this move is thought to have been spurred on by Trump's call for the Arab States to be more proactive in fighting terrorism. Diplomacy!

5 June 2017

I think we can all agree that the vaquita porpoise is pretty damn adorable. Unfortunately, we can't all agree on whether it should be allowed to exist. I mean, given that we're a species that seems to not give much thought to our own long-term survival, we are at least consistent in our outlook.

4 June 2017

The Sunday Edition cleared out a corner in the top right for the London terror attacks (and considering how late that story broke, it's amazing it made it on there at all). The rest of A1 was the Cosby trial (not as heartwarming as The Cosby Show), migrant workers, Venezuela, and an ode to the movie theater (i.e., company town boosterism). That's all I got. We're done here. Go enjoy your evening. Just be careful where you point those bananas, kid.

3 June 2017

Before we all turn our attention away from Trump's cowardly retreat from the Paris accord and onto London, where some terrible shit went down tonight (and which we will no doubt be addressing tomorrow), I would like to talk about today's front page as if it weren't already yesterday's news. In particular, two shout outs need to be, well, shouted out: first, to the many cities and states (four of which are pictured above---house points will be awarded if you can identify any or all of the states) who are basically telling Trump, "no matter what you do or say, we're going to continue to work on fixing climate change, and you can go skullfuck yourself with a lump of flaming coal." To them I say "bravo." Also, "nicely worded!" Second, to the Los Angeles Times front page itself, who paired the headline, "Trump begins resizing U.S. role on world stage" with a photo of Trump using the distance between his thumb and forefinger to describe a very small distance. It's hilarious. Congrats to all involved in putting that beauty together.

2 June 2017

The above quote was said by Donna Parker, who, at the age of 15, became the organist at Dodger's stadium for the summer of 1972. By all accounts, Donna performed her duties at the stadium quite well, despite her young age. Which should be unsurprising, because it's not like she had never played the organ before being hired for such a big gig. I mean, that would be crazy, right? Hiring someone with no skill or practice or experience to do a job that requires at least two out of three of those things? But hey, who the hell would ever do such an idiotic thing?

1 June 2017

Oh, Kathy Griffin. There's already so much comedic material to mine when dealing with Trump---the idiotic tweeting, the fanatical devotion to lying about everything, the cronies, the shitty business deals, the lechery, i mean the list literally never ends, and there are fresh humiliations being added to it every day (hello, covfefe!)---that there's no need to resort to violence. We don't want to kill him; we want him, through the combination of his incompetence and criminal proclivities, to get fired. And then maybe thrown in jail. So don't distract, and don't give him reason to create distractions from the task at hand. We'll all have a good laugh when it's over.